Girls Carrying Condoms, Smart or Slutty?
- For Consider Magazine, Michigan, Spring 2009
When I used to go out on the prowl, I’d put one elbow on the bar, heave my chest up, and then try to enact the pose of Michelangelo’s David. But as I’ve aged, I’ve been forced to be more precise. Now, instead of going for everything in heels, I try to figure out, “Does it look like she’s carrying a condom?”
Okay, that’s a joke. But there are male-centric words for that kind of behavior: “womanizer,” “letch,” or “Italian,” for example. Still, “Girls carrying condoms, smart or slutty?” is a regrettable choice of words. It is loaded with connotations from a time when patriarchal, misogynistic language and chauvinistic rationale went unquestioned. However, given this conceptual landscape, I would have to argue that carrying condoms meets the definition of “slutty.”
The etymology of “slut” is contested. It is arguably a bastard of German, Dutch or Swedish lineage. It has meant “kitchen maid” and “female dog,” but has evolved into “promiscuous woman” of “low or loose morals.” Being “slutty,” then, means being more promiscuous and having lower morals than those who aren’t slutty, but does not go as far as saying the girl is a “slut”.
To show that carrying a condom makes one more promiscuous is easy. To start with, it increases one’s ability to act upon any given opportunity. All locations—restrooms, gyms, back alleys, whatever—become fair game.
There is a psychological change, too. If a girl leaves the house with a condom, she has consciously accepted that sex is a possibility before coming home. This affirmation will later influence her choice if confronted with an actual circumstance. Also, every time she looks in her bag and sees the “ribbed for her pleasure,” she’ll be reminded of the fun she’s still not having—and how easy that would be to change. It might even remind her of her loneliness. “Use me!” the condom says, “You’ll be safe!”
But is an increase in promiscuity equivalent to a lowering of morals? Don’t remind me—I’m well aware your morals are defined by you. But for argument’s sake, let’s use the median opinion of our demographic. Post-politically correct, porn-impacted America has still not lost its pious or patronizing public stance. This is why former Senator Larry Craig’s trolling-for-toilet-trash scandal was given so much airtime, and why repeats of the Jerry Springer show still run. If T.V. represents us well, hooking up is still considered dishonorable.
The effects on one’s standards are also important to consider. Condoms have almost eliminated the unfortunate side effects of sex, like babies and other sexually transmitted things. As such, our one-and-only’s often follow entertaining, yet emotionally distant oops-I-shouldn’t-have’s. Some—like our grandparents, for example—would describe this as a lowering of sexual morals. Although neighbors in the thesaurus, ‘standards’ and ‘morals’ are not categorically synonymous. That is up to you to decide.
I understand there are double standards. Men are lionized and women are vilified for doing the same thing. And men are often less attracted to experienced women. We want to “conquer” her; we don’t want her to be more prepared than we are. But what do women want? I went out in Manhattan on a Saturday night to find out, and talked to 45 drunk or near-drunk girls to find out.
Of the 14 “smart” girls who admitted to carrying condoms, 10 said they wouldn’t mind hooking up (with someone else, not with me) if the right person came along. This ratio was double the percentage of non-carriers. But hey, girls who realize they might hook up should carry condoms, right? But here’s the kicker. Out of the 31 who weren’t carriers, 70% said it was the man’s job to bring one. That was only a little less than the number of girls in total (80%) who agreed with another double standard—that the guy should buy the meal on a first date. Most girls conform with patriarchal standards. This is why most would agree that girls who demand to split the bill are making a statement about their independence. We must also, therefore, agree that girls who carry condoms are sharing the role of conqueror.
So, here’s my advice. Guys, next time you’re in a bar and feeling a little horny, here’s what you do. First, look for a scantily-clad girl with a handbag enjoying her drink. Second, ask her for a light, regardless of whether you smoke. Third, when she takes it out of her bag, look for the following items: a wedding ring, contact solution and a condom. And remember, she has every bit as much of a reason to want sex as you. So let her pay for her own drinks.
